“Was I Guilty?”

[ A sequel to Love: Reasons, Consequences and Repercussions ]

( DISCLAIMER: As mentioned in one of my previous posts, I was to include experiences of my second sem in this post, but then I realised during the course of drafting that it would be too much out of context. Its better to keep the post focussed in a direction I suppose 😛 )

Love is delicacy. Love is intimacy. It brings beauty to our lives, still in our time, randomness in our thoughts, foolishness in actions, innovation in expression, maturity in analysis, moments of mixed reactions and an expression to our heart. Love smiles. Love weeps. It cries, it laughs. It makes you habitual of all the pleasant and extreme reactions of the world.

But love may not necessarily always be a fruitful experience for us. Love gives rise to relationships, which result in adhesive feelings, commitments and attachments. When relationships occur, something new comes into picture – expectations. Once you enter into expectations, you are bound to confinement. You never expect boundations in love. Habitual of flying with eternal freedom in your dreams, thoughts and fantasies, the new confined aura of expectations comes as something which you had never thought of, something for which you weren’t prepared. And when expectations are not fulfilled, your past anticipations, present inabilities and future uncertainty mingle in a cobweb and you confront a new dark face of love, feelings and relationships – a sense of guilt.

We teenagers have tender minds, tender hearts. As we enter adolescence and are bestowed with a new degree of freedom, we start watching the world in our own made definitions. We start taking our own decisions without the consent of our parents. “It has got nothing to do with them, its completely a matter of me and my friends” or “They wont be able to understand my point of view, they would be verifying again and again on that, so its better not to tell them”. These thoughts are a common to each one of us many a times. New things in the independent world fascinate us. We watch couples in parks, boyfriends and girlfriends on bikes and in markets. Mobile phones and chating, co-ed schools, complexity in relationships depicted in movies, all these factors are enough to generate curiosities, questions and ultimately, desires in our minds. You want a relationship involving yourself. You want to have a girl or a boy in your life with whom you can experience an expression called love. It would be so nice and new to have one! For the first time in your life! Involving all cuteness and beauty of the world! And you don’t tell your parents of course

You “just happen” to fall in love. But your desire to experience love is a major catalyst for you to fall in one such. Once you are in love, you try out so many stupid things which you would have never ever done in your life . Every experience brings a whiff of fresh breeze, a new excitement. You gain an identity of yourself in your own eyes, which may be for the first time in your life too! Being a boy, you may have many great friends among girls and you love them too, but the one which I am talking about is when you want a particular girl to be your partner in your life. Of course, for that moment, you may start dreaming with no boundation of time or years!

Why do you want to experience love? To experience feelings, sentiments, dependency and care. To be dependent and to depend on your partner. To be cared and to care for her or him. Long distance love relationships are often difficult to live with, specially when you are in such an age and moreover, if its your first experience of being in love . Coz then, you can not directly care, you can just wish to care. You spent more than required time in fantasising events when you will be meeting with him or her ! Slowly and slowly, you start loving your wannabe partner in fantasies. You form an idealistic image of her in your imagination and as we all know, imagination goes far beyond realities .

If you don’t get to meet her at short intervals, you tend to get automatically some strange feelings. Your relationship starts proceeding like a fairy tale, far different from the love which you had expected. Love becomes more and more desperate, more and more tearful. It wasn’t that joyous and flamboyant love which you had dreamt of. You may even think to get rid of all the monotony in one go. Here comes the sense of guilt.

You force yourself not to think that way, after all, you love your partner so much. In lieu of that, your own deterioration starts, and life becomes more miserable.

What I feel is, if you aren’t happy, change your lifestyle. Be bold enough to accept the reality, just move on with a new life – Your smile is the key . It takes time to face truths, to change stands, but ultimately, its you who emerge as the winner.

Another interesting scenario may be that you are satisfactorily happy with your long distance partner and with the course of time, you start developing feelings for someone whom you are in constant touch. Well, that seems quite interesting! In fact, you don’t know that you are infatuated towards someone with whom you are spending most of your time. And by the time you come to this conclusion, bingo! Here comes again, a much bigger sense of guilt. Sense of betrayal, sense of shamefulness, you think you are the dirtiest person of the world. Not just in the case of long relationships, this is frequent even in any of the normal cases. You suddenly tend to develop new feelings, feelings have no bounds. You often require change in your thought process and your thoughts automatically take care of that! You are so confused that you even don’t know in which direction to think, someone please sort me out!

Only a few are brave enough to discuss their problems with ease and confidence. Again the same thing, Your feelings for a new person never mean that your love for your partner reduces, obviously, unless you choose deliberately. And you just wanted yourself to be happy, so nothing to be ashamed of. And you haven’t ditched your partner yet, so you haven’t betrayed!

Guilt can be always overcome by acceptance. Accept the truth with a frank mind, tell your problem maturely to your close ones and be bindaas ……….. if you are really happy from within inside, then nothing is wrong in this world. You deserve the right to keep yourself happy, keeping in mind you don’t affect others in a negative manner. You may be thinking I stressed too much on long distance relations, but then the final results are universal truths :P. Applied anywhere, everywhere.

PS-

• While writing this post, I got so many things in my mind which I thought to share in PS, but damn, I have forgotten them all now! From next time, I will better make another draft side by side for PS
• Thanxx Aditya, for sharing your thoughts with me. Hey, I am not that fool to reveal the true name :P. However, Aditya knows who he is!
• You know, I like this name …… Aditya
• More and more sequels will continue to come in near future.
• For those who have got their wannabe partners far away ……….. I am a foolish person you know, just forget whatever you have read! Enjoyyy !
• Sensex breaks all records ! Hmmmm …….. I think I will have to start reading some business stuff.
• Lanka anti-terrorism reaches great success – Prabhakaran dead. Someone sort out Indo-Pak too
• To Rahul Gandhi …….. plz accept cabinet post, mere liye hi sahi !
• Next blog soon.

Snehil Basoya.

 

Janhit Mein Jaari

Initiating the Masses

A holding by daily hindi newspaper Hindustan read as follows-

“ Ek naya IIT

Ya

Ek naya Mandir ?

Is Chunaav Mein Kise Chunenge ………………”

Now habitual of likes of Lee Coopers and Vodafone, this holding was a pleasant surprise. Quite innovative, yeah, throwing out a wide amount of possibilities. Was it a direct comparison between Congress and BJP? Was it sarcastic on behalf of Mr. Arjun Singh or a sharp satire on the Babri Maszid case or both ? At the very first moment, my answer was definitely IIT. But just wait for a second, is it necessary to choose one! What if I want both, or none? My mind at once went through the present scenario – the resultalysis of 15^th Lok Sabha Elections. However you may find it repetitive, but even I too found out the day quite interesting in analysing the fates of the top guns of my country. The blog is dedicated to the following warriors in solace-

1)The Election Commission– for conducting a noise free election; No music systems and Dhoom remixes on Mayawati this time, no rikshaw pullers and auto drivers campaigning day and night, no flower rainfalls from helicopters………. Election Commission did a Hogwarts man, you try to sneak out from the rule book and here’s the detention next moment!

2)News Channels– if elections weren’t there, media could have surely burnt the trace remains of corpse of Kolkata Knight Riders far more than SRK would have imagined.

3)Pratibha Patil– a lot of kids have finally come to know that SHE is the president and not Mr. Kalam.

4) Uncle Sam– Alas! He couldn’t intervene this time around.

5)Lalit Modi– Shifting IPL to South Africa ( Johannesburg is a regular appearance in Top Crime Charts) was a good move indeed, security personnels in India gave their 100% and could watch matches too in the prime time.

6) Zoozoo adverts by Vodafone– we surely got something to smile after monotonous Jaya Ho and Bhay Ho.

Fine , so enough of the preface, I think I must get off the mark.

Nice experiences for NDA this time, “Mazboot Neta Nirnaayak Sarkaar” they said. I don’t think you can call such a neta “Mazboot” who, in a rush of publicity, praises Jinnah over Gandhi when in Islamabad and advocates construction of temple in Ayodhya presumptuously in Delhi. You cant replace Vajpayee with Advani, the former is a class of his own, the latter radiates an enigmatic chaos from his very looks. The way they persisted on Bhay Ho to counterattack ruling coallision’s Jai Ho leaves nothing more to imagine their vision of so-called Nirnaayak Sarkaar. With a lacking backing by young blood, NDA surely looks as if loosing its string. Veterans like George Fernandes, Yashwant Sinha, Jaswant Singh, Venkaiyah Naidu have far lost their mass appeals as soon as they separated from the terrace of Vajpayee. Sushma Swaraj and Arun Jaitley lack the ability of leading from the front. Rajnath Singh couldn’t have done better (I think he deserves to be the new Leader Of Opposition). Why the NDA high command isn’t promoting someone dynamically radical and innovative like Narendra Modi to the national level is still a mystery to me.

Varun Gandhi tried to be the new generation Praveen Togadia- his rhetoric speeches at Pilibhit back fired at his own party’s vote bank. The young Gandhi vs Gandhi battle in UP went with the Rahul and Varun is himself to be blamed for that. Nothing went smoothly for BJP and its NDA this time, I hope this setback will set the stage for radical changes in ideology.

I have no words for the Left, may God show enough mercy. The Karats and Chatterjis may definitely be champions at Parliamentary Debates and Group discussions during their JNU days, but I don’t know why they are restricting their talents and potentials by their rigid and stagnant manifestos.

Ajit Singh, I must reveal the truth, is a graduate from IIT Kharagpur. His pendulum shifts towards the stronger political junks every 6 months have never led him to power so far, (Hope IITs don’t produce such products in future) it will be interesting to watch his fate this time.

Lalu Prasad Yadav is a famous and “worldly renowned personality” as he proclaims himself. His hallucination of revolutionalising Indian Railways under his reign gave him enough mental hypocrisy to break apart from UPA and Congress. Why doesn’t he tell us that the budgets and reforms of Railways throughout the year are brought about by a Council of Secretaries, who constitute the elite group of IAS officers and First Class category Railway Engineers. All Mr.Yadav has to do is perform a tiring task of reading out the budget in the noisy Parliament House every year (he is definitely good at that). Most of the people know the truth and he lost in one of the constituencies.

Nitish Kumar surely went away with accolorades by the surprise demand of Bihar’s special status at the very last moment, driving out limelight from the likes of Mayawati and Mulayam Singh (they were supposed to be the King Makers, right ?)

Mayawati should try once again (at least once) to be the Prime Minister. Amar Singh said (He was the first one to advocate Fourth Front) they are ready to support Congress NOW. Hehehehe ……… we all expected that.

Navjot Sidhu and Shekhar Suman- I am afraid but the “Laughter” couldn’t “Challenge” the Democracy.

Sonia Gandhi must be definitely enjoying the picturesque and scenic victory. MMS rocked once again and Hats Off to Rahul Gandhi for his sweat trenching campaigns in erratic UP and keeping tight his entity of a calm and maturely balanced young politician (here’s where he got the crucial edge over Varun). Priyanka Wadhera left the world gaping with her Sarees collection (she must try once in flms, at least once, ek baar try to karo). Overall, The Gandhis were machau (be it The Gandhis on the other face of the coin!). Elections were a nice experience for the nation, which is boasting of a single-party success …………….. no bargaining this time.

I thnk its enough for today J

PS-

*Thanxx to mummy for keeping me in touch with the political whereabouts when I was busy preparing for Majors.

*Was I really busy with that? 😛

*Never debate with an auto driver over the possible outcome of the elections- I bet you can never win (I did this mistake)

*I tried, once again, to write a shorter blog.

*Mumbai vs Jaipur made me senti towards the end- just couldn’t see those miserably benched Mrs.Ambani and Shilpa Shetty. (Why Mrs.Ambani always sits right to Zaheer Khan, asks Mandira Bedi)

*Thanx to friendship between SRK and Aamir Khan, no new movies lingering around, check out for some different blockbusters in your neighbourhood …………. Chandaal Ka Pret.

*Thanx to my LITERATI team- Aina Garg, Shrutika Garg, Antriksh Tawar and Janmajey Pratap Singh ………. We had won the award for Best Team Title, and I have borrowed the same title for my blog J

*My upcoming post “Was I Guilty” would take some time, till then enjoy with other posts J

*Thif fummer ……….. Vifaal Bharadwaj prefents ………… Faahid Kapoor in fintillating form ………. KAMINEY

Next Blog Foon

Fnehil Bafoya.

 

My Second Sem At IIT-D

Its 2’O clock and i have just got my CSL101 and MEL 110. I am extremely happy to pass my Computers with “decent” grade and ED with my first DASSI at IIT ! Waiting for the impending doom, gonna get Maths at 5’O clock. So i am here writing new blog, cherishing last few hours of today 🙂

Second Sem at IIT-D. Hmmmm ……. lot many things to share, lot many to hide. I beg pardon from all readers, but this post is dedicated to my friends at IIT as i am going to write mostly about them! I got so many great friends this sem, i cant describe in words, and with nothing special to tell about myself this time around, i have decided to express everything about my friends 🙂

1) Three cheers for two persons who emerged as heroes in my batch – Shreyans and Aastha. For Shreyans, you perhaps dont know how great a fan i have become of yours. For some or many of the reasons, we werent together for most part of the semester as compared to the last one, but shayad that made our friendship much more adhesive. It was never nice to see you walking on crutches, taking loads of pills everyday, visiting Meerut again and again for treatment, running for profs for attendance. But ya, it was amusing to see you walking at tortoise speeds at 180 degree stiff angles, having wrapped your knees and neck with Sauna Belt type instruments ( I dont know what you call them !). Convener day was surely the day when we were purest towards each other. Be it that CSL lecture when for the only time in the sem, someone like you had enough guts to tell SK that students arent understanding anything , or be it arranging for Mushtaq Bhai time and again to carry you insti and hostel back and forth, you have achieved the designation of my role model 🙂

Aastha …….. my goodness !!!!! If I would have been in your place, I wouldnt have been able to complete the sem even. Kudos to your stamina and fighting spirit at such a ruthless place named IIT ! And this is not just me saying it, its the voice of all of us who are aware of your health. Life is living with your best, hope you continue with that! Be cheerful always 🙂

2)Hey Lalit, it doesnt mean you dont deserve cheers yaar :). Of course you and Shreyans looked too nice and sveet entering classes together with recycled legs. Your studappe got too famous when you climbed to the  top seat of Lecture Theatre on crutches when all front seats were vacant! Its difficult to imagine your plight for 2 months on bed and then again 2 weeks on bed with chicken pox. Sab samajhta hun bhaiya, you had no other option than to study( what else you can do lying on bed for 2 months and two weeks), thats why you got so gud marks 😛

3)Kiran Didi, finally i found a mentor whom i was searching for. Anything would prove to be insignificant in giving a tributeful Salaam. The hours I spent with you  listening to each and every dimention of fundae related to courses and profs and CG and jobs and JEE, gossiping about friends, sharing jokes and life, and most importantly, the way you are teaching me how to live life to fullest !!!!!!! Its amazing sometimes, far beyond expectations. I was happy to give contribution in VMC modules, it was a dream come true, something which I used to think of during my JEE preparations !

4) Ankur and Anshu , if there is someone in my own batch whom i am afraid of, its you. Throughout the sem, it was truely the guidance in disguise of you two which kept me on the serene path of studies :P. I am proud to have such a great philosophers of their age as my best friends 🙂

5) All my hostel mates. Gurnani, Mahender and Neshan- being in the same cycle, in the same hostel and 4 labs together per week, i spent more time with no one else than with you all. Jan started with formal hi-hello and now we are someone who cant be seperated. Those 15 minute walks between hostel and insti are the best refreshing and sharing part of the day (of course, it could have been 10 minutes if Gurnani wasnt there :P). The ever smiling cherishing Himanshu Geed ( no matter how much misery you face) and the ever gloomy Akash Tulsani ( khushi mein to cheerful ho jaya kar yaar) , the ever cool Parth Nyati, 24 hours online RC, 48 hours online Ravi Teja, pseudo Civil and pseudo Chem Mohit Kabra (he is actually in Mech, hope u can understand his plight :P), the Madhur voice of Bhediya, HELLOOOOO man Akash Kushwaha ( you have brought a revolution man, i must say. Now every Civilite and Ara Knight has got a new way to greet each other), KK who got the “Colour” and to all others who rocked this sem, CHEERS !

6)Swati, i am really happy that you enjoyed this sem, at least much more than last one. Last sem, you hardly laughed :P, this time i found you always smiling! You got so many new great friends, i think you are finding yourself much more pleased with the way your life is going and thats something which is achieved by not many people here at IIT.

7) Roomy power- Rathi and Mansi …… just a line for Rathi- “God of CSL, Jai Ho”. For Mansi, i found perhaps the first person in this world who got me always right, who understood a mysterious person like me completely and who helped me discover the true Snehil within me.Your guidance is always awaited. Be the same great friend always 🙂

8)Avikant Bhardwaj, life gets silent and chill, so many cobwebs have been removed, one thing still remaining ……… gtalk 😛

9) DD and Kartik – probably the most awaited section of the post ! Never ever had I imagined that my creativity would reach such great heights if it wasnt your divine guidance. The way I transformed to the God of PJs this sem on Institute level, the credit goes to you two. The deadly combo of you two initiated the hidden talent to be revealed, leaving all others in utter misery! How I formed AHA ( those in IIT Delhi must know what it means!) with DD and our Cycle-1 of Civil the most hilarious cycle of the dep is something definitely to cherish 🙂

Many more things to share in this sem !

* Aravali House Day was a great hit ! Congo to the new batch of responsibility holders and the whole hostel which contributed !

* It was a great experience working at Bhagam Bhag under Institute Play Production.

* Got expected marks (however low !) in Maths ……… you couldnt guess where i left my post in between !

* Delhi is beautiful ………… Jama Maszid on full moon night, Parliament House at 12 noon, India Gate while setting sun, Manmohan Singh’s residence with hundreds of media coverage vehicles patroling the gate 24X7, National School of Drama, Sri Ram Centre of Arts, Rashtrapati Bhawan in the background of furious flurry of traffic …….. Delhi is beautiful.

* IIT-D is much more beautiful ………. sunrise from Insti Roof, analysing aeroplanes during serene nights, the chilly breeze after rain on Bharati Roof, the tranquilness on 3rd block roof, Biotech Park, the post office market near Kailash Hostel, sitting isolated between library shelfs and on block floors during exams, those night outs in Hostel Reading Room desert cooler, magnificent view of campus from near Kurur’s office on 7th floor, where profs live with their families and kitchen smells in Chemistry Department, walking for hours round and round peaceful roads of IIT-D with yourself ……….. IIT-D is beautiful.

* Food is truly awesome !!!!!!!!!! …………..  Little Punjab in SDA, Masala Junction, Narula’s, A2B, Barista, Haldiraam’s, Mejbaan, Hari Chatni at Saket, Evergreen at Green Park, Chandni Chauk, Chawri Bazaar, Kinari Bazaar, Big Chill at Khan Market, Papad ke Parawthe and Lassi at Parawthe Waali Gali, 85 ka mango shake and 350 ka shahi paneer (quite difficult to digest) at Punjabi by Nature ……….. a lot more to be discovered in coming years!

* I left at 5 pm and started again at 3:30 am …….. its 4:30 now. Writing a blog isn’t easy !

* I changed my style of writing this time ………. hope it suites the content. Please do publish your comments on this aspect.

* AML TA Pushpam is leaving , girls are finally releaved.

* I was happy throughout this sem, the most important thing which was lacking last time 🙂

* Life’s going good ………. for more details about the psychology and philosophy of my Second Sem, please wait for yet another post – ” Was I Guilty?” ……………………. Coming Soon!

Thanxx a lot.

Snehil Basoya