This House Believes That We Are Ethical ….. [Part One]

Demand of the Season

 

[Format adopted from my little stints in Ara EDLC practices under Tulsani and Jojo. A request to the EDLC guys – please don’t go for the technicalities and counters. This is just a mere format !!! No offences meant, liberty of expression :)]

 Ladies and Gentlemen. Greetings.

The queer motion presented before the house is that THBT We Are Ethical, and we, as the proposition, will support the motion.

We define the house as the House of rational people of IIT Delhi. Here, people refer to the students who are involved in all sorts of works and activities which can be deemed as either ethical or ….. ethical.

Ladies and Gentlemen, over the years, with the emerge of changing world scenarios, IITians have evolved drastically in decision making processes, be it within their academic choices, or professional choices, or choices in relationships and friendships, choice between Sassi and FX, or choice between Classic Mild and Marlboro Gold, or between MAL120 and breakfast, and all small and large domains which the life of an IITian can circumscribe. We want these so-called ‘decisions’ and so-called ‘policies’ , as they say, to bring out an overall development of the student, and we define it as our Burden of Proof.

We will prove that all these decisions and policies exist far above the definitions of right and wrong, and hence, the term ‘ethical’ in itself has no significant existence as such. But even if the house is adamant in defining it, then we shall prove that every action of ours is ethical ladies and gentlemen and we, with our actions, are ethical.

I structure my debate as follows. I will take you through following domains of the life of an IITD student and will prove to you how the poor chap is ethical in EACH domain.

1. The Student Politics (Internal).
2. The Student Politics (External).
3. Friendships and Relationships.

 Picking them up one by one ladies and gentlemen, firstly the Internal Student Politics.

Ladies and gentlemen, the whole dirty game of Internal Politics is based on acquisitions and claims and lobbying and stories and kidnappings and firauti and Zanskar basement and other unethical props like Rs.15,000 and Maruti Van and so on. Yes ladies and gentlemen we DO ‘kidnap’ students for 15,000 bucks, release them on exchange of firauti and offer the amount obtained to another chap who can vote for our party. This is completely ethical ladies and gentlemen as only the transaction of money is involved, it is not ‘wasted’ or ‘spent’. This is conservation of money if you haven’t heard. Also, without any violence or agony, we get two new votes as the guy who was released will also vote for us out of fear !!! We are followers of peace, ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen, kidnapping has been our childhood passion and right from the very birth, we all have been dreaming of becoming ‘kidnappers’ and for God’s sake, we have by mistake fallen into this asshole named IIT Delhi where we have NOTHING ELSE to do ladies and gentlemen except for following the bestowed ethical work ‘kidnap’. 

We IITians pay special stress on dealing with people. Yes ladies and gentlemen, no one talks to any one without a motive and the motive varies from person to person, depending on his background, his ambitions, his desires, his family, favourite girl, his most fucked up exam and what not !!! Yes ladies and gentlemen, we lay a lot of CLAIMS on people, sometimes on their friends, sometimes on their seniors. We claim the work done by the opposition as done by us. We aren’t afraid. Any false story we convert into a ‘truth’ and the truth is spread like havoc. Poor chaps don’t have sources to investigate and hence, loyalties change.

This is completely ethical ladies and gentlemen as we IITians know that loyalties are bound to be on one side. This is how universe runs. Altered facts are essential for the survival of the govt. else the opposition is ready outside, waiting for the prey, pouring saliva with blood red eyes. We are followers of Charles Darwin and Lord Krishna, ladies and gentlemen.

We OFFER a same position to five different individuals ladies and gentlemen, hoping that at least, hoping that at least one of those five may end up on our side !!! We deal with larger avenues, we believe in all round development. Hence, we also offer Inter-IIT selections and selections in Rendezvous Stage Play Teams. We have introduced this scheme this year only. 

Yes ladies and gentlemen, we will win again, for the consecutive term, for all those lesser mortals shall cry.

Snehil Basoya

[Coming next – Part Two]